Thursday, December 16, 2004
Don't Cry for Me, Argentina
the STORY of Cervazo
Are you ready for a wonderful, sad story? It's all about a little girl who came to us over a year ago. Cervazo was our foster daughter, but now she's gone.
[dramatic pause]
well, sorry folks, but im not gonna tell the story. you see, i have to be careful not to let the STORY of Cervazo become larger than Cervazo.
[what exactly do i mean?]
well, these days i work with what's in front of me (the future, my surroundings) and i prefer facts (Friday: Just the facts, Ma'am). Feelings are fine, they come they go, I work to let them wash over me (remember SpongeBob - absorbent, and yellow and porous is he)
[why limited punctuation?]
*purely for dramatic and aesthetic reasons*
so, if i tell you my sad tale of woe (which it really isn't) about how lil Cervazo was ripped from our house after a year or so of raising her as our own, you really need to think further back, and imagine the scene at Cervazo's *real* home when she was taken from her birth mom, Merlot, and, by way of some agencies, brought to us. Same scene, but perhaps worse.
The *trick*, and im not saying it is easy all the time, is to keep Cervazo and her needs out ahead of everything else.
What I really want:That Cervazo may be safe wherever she is, and always be given the opportunity to live, grow and thrive.(if that sounds like a prayer, then perhaps it is)[are prayers just wishes in disguise?]-- Trans-Siberian Orchestra, from Christmas Eve and Other Stories, This Christmas DayIf Merlot can provide that, then she's a loving and competent Mom.
Let go the past, let go your preconceptions about how things SHOULD be and who deserves what. The Universe owes nothing to anyone.
[but that's not fair!]
who ever said the Universe plays fair? the Universe doesn't even understand the concept. Events just are. [feces precipitate]. devoid of meaning. devoid of emotion. devoid of names. [the tree doesn't know it's a tree]
[and no, i don't really like Madonna.]
what i mean is that im not in sympathy with some of her life choices, and im probably jealous of her fortune and fame, despite that.
but i do like her voice and some of her songs.
especially Vogue, as performed by the Chipmunks. check it out...
breathe.
evolve.
laugh.
evolve.
laugh.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
It's the Journey, Not the Destination
On Monday, my family said "Goodbye" to our foster daughter, Cervazo*. Cervazo came to us when she was only four (4) months old, a victim of abuse at the hands of her birth father. Yes, at four (4) months. Heinous.
When she came to us in November of 2003, she was a wisp of a thing, underweight, weak, with a bald spot on the back of her head (often indicative of neglect... left in the crib or elsewhere laying down for extended periods). As the days passed, she recovered from her trauma, and we all began to get used to each other. From the beginning, Merlot*, the birth mother, has been in contact with her daughter. In our estimation, Merlot made some choices with unfortunate consequences, but has, and always will, as far as we can tell, love her daughter. Why else would she wait through countless court hearings, attend counseling, find her own apartment and job, and wait over a year to be reunited with her daughter? If that's not the love and dedication of a mother, what is?
Fast-forward to the present. Cervazo is now seventeen (17) months old, walking, a bright little pre-toddler. Quick to laugh, but also capable of impressive attitude, she has been an incredible joy in our family's life. My son has grown to love her as a sister (qzen42 smiles with the thought), and of course, we have fallen in love as well.
If you love someone, set them free. -- Sting, Richard Bach
So yesterday, Cervazo was reunited with Merlot, her birth mother.
Rather than wordsmith the perfect description of my current state of mind, here is an excerpt from the e-mail I sent to my spouse, brother and closest friends, describing our last day with little Cervazo...
*names have been changed to protect confidentiality
*** excerpt ***
Oddly enough, we had a fun-filled day today. Hobbes* exceeded our wildest expectations with the maturity he showed. We let him choose how he wanted to say "Goodbye", and he chose that we should all go together to "deliver" Cervazo to Merlot (Angel*, our caseworker, had offered to take Cervazo to Merlot, if we felt it would be too difficult to go ourselves). Hobbes gave hugs and kisses and needed our hugs right after Cervazo left, but he moved on quickly, and we kept the schedule full for the balance of the day, and, of course, spoiled him a little.
As for me, I started the day assembling photos for a life book for Cervazo (one for us, one for her). Rather than making me sad, it made me smile, and feel rather proud of what we have given to Cervi, and honored by what she has given to us. Merlot does want to bring Cervazo to Hobbes' 7th birthday party. We gave her our address, and Angel will be providing her contact information soon.
I think the coming days will be perhaps more difficult than today was. Today was a joyful reunion for Cervazo and Merlot , and it is apparent how much Merlot loves Cervazo. She cried when I handed Cervi to her. Now they have to figure out their new (old) relationship together, and we hope to morph into Uncle Tiberius, Aunt Betty and Cousin Hobbes.
'nuf said.
breathe.
evolve.
laugh.
